Dear Dr. Romance
Recently, I have gone back to online dating but have some very strong concerns. I just severed a 5-year relationship with a man who seems to have an internet addiction. He worked from home and was constantly on the porn and personals (by looking at his History). The internet was rather an intense issue for me making me distrusting our relationship. We at one time came to an agreement that there would be a limitation with the porn. But over the 5 years, I came so mentally, emotionally, and physically drained that I was seeing two therapists this year for counseling and medication. He said that he has it under control. So while I made arrangements to move out of his house, he was trying to hook up with men for sex. Then he met up with an out-of -state woman by texting and now has pursued a business and sexual relationship working on a patent to have a monitoring device to protect women against sexual assault. Was there anything else I could have done? This was a very painful experience for me, but it seems that he just moves with one situation to another with no repercussion.
You’re right to have some doubts about Internet dating and addiction. It’s a very big problem these days, lots of people in my office with Internet addiction problems. One thing you can do is make sure whomever you meet is connected with people face to face, has friends and goes out to see people and do things with friends. People with no face-to-face social connections are more likely to have online issues. How a person relates to you is important, but it is not the only important thing. Healthy people have social networks, friendships, and interests outside the home.
How To Keep Yourself Out of a Violent Relationship will help you gain a better understanding of how to keep yourself safe and to find a healthy partner
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.